My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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