Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
