Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
