Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize