dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
