this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
