When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize