This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
