That's intense
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
