my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
