they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
