god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
