other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
