Sponge bath it is.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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