I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just cropdusted the office
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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