There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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