Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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