if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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