I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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