So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
