Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
