3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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