so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
