I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
