I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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