Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
