Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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