there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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