hotel room ftw
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
