yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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