he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
