girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
