cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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