I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
high people should be assigned attendants
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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