So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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