Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't deserve a penis
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
