I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
