Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
