You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
