i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
