I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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