Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
