Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
