Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
