I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
