I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
