please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
