The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We got so high we made milksteak
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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