Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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