we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
