If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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