i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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