Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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