capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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