Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
