i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
