So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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