if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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