Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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