I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
