My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
