There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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