good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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