he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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