You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
