We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
