I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
