grandma shit on top of the toilet
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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