Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
