ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
