And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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