I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
