my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
