Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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