So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
