she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
