No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
