apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
