Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
