For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
