i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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