Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
