Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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