last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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