Someone shit on the floor
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
