Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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