alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
