Can Purell be used as lube?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
