So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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