I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
