making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
