Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
