When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
