my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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